I love the dollar store.
I am admittedly late to the party, but I love that there is a place I can go where I can pick up (not necessarily brand-name) stuff in a pinch that I may want for lunch or a snack. I mean, who wants to swing by a [insert your favorite grocery chain here] or a convenience store and pick up a $4 bag of chips when you can get the same thing for ..guess what.. A DOLLAR.
That brings me to those people who tend to..shall we say..overthink their time in the dollar store. You know who I’m talking about. Those people who walk up to the register attendant with a quizzical look, shove a store item in their face and ask…
“Excuse me. How much is this?”
I’m sad to say I’ve seen it much more than once.
NEW RULE: If you work in a dollar store..and someone asks you how much something is, you reserve the right to charge anything you want for that item.
Customer: How much is this?
Customer: But it says that everything here is a dollar!
Cashier: THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK??!!
As much of a fan as I am of the store of the dollar, I do have questions about one of the offerings.
How reliable is this??? Do you really want to trust a dollar store pregnancy test with such a life-altering diagnosis? I’m guessing that instead of a “+” or “-” on the readout…a “?” may show up. Then where are you? I say, if you’re going to sell pregnancy tests, sell condoms too. At least then..you and your mate can shop together. Trust me..if you buy a condom at a dollar store..you’re going NEED the pregnancy test.
So, in honor of all I’ve put out there, I’ll wrap up with a list I’ve thought some about. With apologies to David Letterman..here are the Top Ten things you should probably never buy from a dollar store. (Some of these they’ll probably never offer..but who knows — someone may get a wild hair)
10. Eggs – obviously.
9. Fresh meat and chicken – How fresh can it be? It’s a dollar!
8. Pregnancy tests and condoms – See above commentary.
7. Mouse traps – Any mouse that you try to catch will leave you a thank you note for the easy meal. He may be so fat and happy that you may find him spooning the trap asleep.
6. Fresh produce – There’s that “fresh” thing again.
5. Some toothpastes – I’m throwing this one in simply because I see brands that I thought went away in the 80s. Pepsodent..really??
4. Dairy products – Just..no.
3. Pharmaceuticals of any kind – I’m waiting for the first-ever dollar store pharmacy.
2. Birthday cakes – Do us all a favor..spend some money on the babies?
And the number one item you should never buy from a dollar store:
1. Fireworks – The return will not be worth the time spent in the emergency room.
That’s my take. I would charge a dollar..but we have a special. $1 OFF.